Who Spiked The Water Bottle?
by epicbeast101
Summary: Stories about drunken Twilight characters. Somebody keeps spiking peoples water bottles. Random idea, rated T cuz I'm paranoid.
1. Who Spiked The Water Bottle? Jacob

**Hehe, random idea.....**

Jacob walked into Emily's house, where all the other wolves were. "Heeeeeeyyyy", he stretched the word to sound like a teenage girl. "Sooooo, wuz everybody doin?", Jacob said sounding extremely drunk. He was holding a plastic water bottle. "Does anyone realize how yummy this water is? Is greeeeeaaaat",

Sam stood up and took Jacob's water bottle from him. "This is vodka!", Sam announced. Seth snickered. "Seth!",

"I didn't do anything", Seth lied.

"Anyhoooooooo. Hass anyone seen Eddie? He owes me a lapdance!!!" Jacob exclaimed.

"Uh", everyone was speechless.

"I'm gonnas go tell Jazzy-poo to kiss me!!!",

"Ew", someone said.

"Does anyone have any popstickles!!!", Jacob screeched.

"No waitty!!!! Anyone got any cherry flavored condoms?", Jacob asked.

"Someone get him out of my kitchen!", Emily said.

"On it",

"Wooooooooo", Jacob screamed. "Anyone got anny pie? Has anyone seem Emmy-Ett? He said he'd buy me tickets to the hospital museum!!!!!",

Sam escorted Jacob out of the house, and drove him to the Cullen's house.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy", Jacob screeched.

"Jacob?", Bella asked

"He's drunk. Seth put vodka in his water bottle", Edward said.

"Eddie-weddie-teddie!!!!!!!!. Sheyy, anyone got any dogfood???",

"Uh, in the kitchen.....?", Jasper said.

"Wooooooooooooo", Jacob walked into the kitchen. "Ooohhhhh!!! Looky pooky piie!!! Doggy food!", Jacob grabbed a bag of dog food.

"I luv Kibbles!!!", Jacob sang. "Iams, Petchow, blahaahhahahaha", Jacob threw up all over Rosalie.

"Oh, sorry, rosie, posie, chosie, losie, poosie, sweety pie!! I LOVE YOU CARLIZZLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", Jacob randomly yelled.

Carlisle looked scared.

"Kiss me you fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", Jacob bent down and started making out with Carlisle.

"Ew, Jacob get of off me!", Carlisle complained.

"WHAT!!! You don't like Jakey Wakey? Your LEGAL husband!! Well will be soon",

"Uh".

"Meet me in Vegas in six hours!!!", Jacob ran out the door.

"Now tooo meet the queen of France.... oh KADENNNNNNNNNN....................", Jacob danced like a ballerina over to Canada to go make out with Kaden, whose last name I can't say.

**LOL, random idea. Do you think I should add more chapters? What happens when Jacob goes to Canada or something. Or maybe more characters getting drunk**

***I am not making fun of Jacob. His name just came up.**


	2. Waking Up In Vegas: Jacob's Hangover

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers, thanks soooo much! Okay, so thanks to popular demand, here is chapter 2! Oh, and I take suggestions, so yep!**

Jacob woke up in the morning, lying on a casino table. "Ugh, where am I?", Jacob asked himself. "Oh God!". Jacob was wearing a Cher getup, with headdress and cocktail dress and everything. "What the hell?",

Jacob looked up to see the Cullen's around him. Jacob suddenly felt the horrible headache that was a hangover.

"What happened?", Jacob muttered.

"Well, after running to Canada, and meeting Kaden Lastnamewecan'tsay, and trying to make out with him, he rejected you, and so you ran to Las Vegas, and ended up on stage. Apparently, the gays really like your performance. You have twelve more shows schedule", Carlisle said.

"Oh crap! Seth spiked my water, didn't he!",

"Yes", Edward answered.

"Crap, crap, crap, what did I say? Or worse, what did I _do", _

"Well apparently, Edward owes you a lapdance, you want Jasper to kiss you, you want "popstickles", cherry flavored condoms, and pie. Emmett owes you tickets to the hospital museum, You ate dog food, then sang about it. You threw up on Rose, your in love with "Carlizzle", and made out with him. Then went to meet the queen of France, "Kaden", and then he rejected you, so you headed to Vegas, and ended up being a gay stripper", Bella explained.

"Oh my god!", Jacob said.

"Haha",

"I'm never getting drunk again", Jake said. "Now, who shall be next?",


	3. Who Spiked The Water Bottle? Seth

**So, another chapter....who's gonna get drunk this time? Oh wait, you've seen the title....**

"Hey, Jake, can you hand me that water", Seth asked. Jacob held back evil laughter, and handed him the bottle. "Thanks, Jake",

Seth took a drink of the "water". Jacob watched eagerly, to see what will happen. He was even getting it all on tape.

_After Seth drinks all of the "water"_

"Heeeeeeyyyy", Seth yelled. "Sooooo............ OMG! Hey, Jakeeyy, wakeeey, uh, bakey.....",

"Uh, hi Seth", Jacob said, holding in laughter.

"Oh God, Jake what did you do?", Leah demanded.

"Nothing....",

"LEE LEE!!!!!!!", Seth screeched.

"Oh God", Leah sighed. "Yes, Seth?",

"WHERE ARE MY PANCAKES!!??!!??!!",

"Uh",

"Haaz anyone seen alicccceeyy???", Seth asked

"Uh, no. But I'm assuming she's at her house. Or at the mall", Jake answered.

"Okaaaaaaaay", Seth ran to the Cullen's.

"Haaz anyone seen aliccceeeyyyy????", Seth yelled.

"Uh. Why do you want Alice?", Jasper asked.

"Cuz shees a pwitty vampy",

Jasper growled.

"Jasper, he's drunk he doesn't know what he's saying", Bella assured.

"Eddddiee!!!!!", Seth shouted. "We HAVE!!! OH HEY EMMETTTY!!!!", Seth got distracted.

"Uh, hi Seth", Emmett said.

"DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY PICKLES!?!?!?!?!?!?!", Seth announced.

"Yes, yes we do", Emmett answered. Rosalie smacked Emmett.

"WAHHHHOOOOOO!!!!!", Seth cheered as he ran into the kitchen.

Seth grabbed some peanut butter, and went back in the living room.

"I thought you wanted pickles?", Emmett exclaimed.

"SHUT UP, EMMY!!!!!!",

"Uh okay",

"OMG! Someone turrneded up the volume, pleeeeasaaasee!!!!! Dis song is AWWESOMMET!!", Seth screeched, even though there was no music playing.

Seth started dancing.

"I'm bringing sexy back! Yeah! Them other boys don't know how to act! Yeah! I think it's special what's behind your back! Yeah! So turn around and I'll pick up the slack! Yeah!", Seth sang.

"Oh God", Edward said.

Seth started taking off his shirt.

Everyone screamed.

Soon enough, Seth was dancing around in nothing but his underwear. Oh wait. I spoke too soon.......

"Seth, please put your clothes back on!", Bella pleaded.

"Hey, uh, I thought you wanted Alice? She's at the mall, go find her!", Emmett encouraged.

"Oh riiiiiiiiiiiightt.......Alicceeyyyy!!!", Seth ran out the door. Still naked.

He ran straight to the mall, to look for Alice.

"Allllliiiiiiiiiccccccceeeeeeee". Seth screamed. "Whhhheeeerrrrreeee aaaaaaarrrrreeeee yyyyyyyyyooooouuuuuuuu",

He spotted Alice at Forever21, and ran to her.

"Oh God, Seth why are you naked?", Alice asked.

"I Amm??? Ohhh I havent noticeeded".

Alice sighed. "Go away Seth! Are you drunk?",

"Why, yes I am",

Alice sighed again.

"SO HAS ANYONE SEEN MY DOG, SKIP????????", Seth asked.

"The movie, or your dog?", a sales woman asked, obviously interested in Seth. The naked Seth. What was wrong with her?

"BOOTTHHHH!!!!!!!!!".

"Hey, Aliccey!!!! Wanna go see the Jonas Brother's concert toniiighht!!! Jazzy can come, toooooo!!!!! MAYBE JOE WILL SIGN MY ARM!!!!!", Seth asked.

"Uh, thanks Seth, but your drunk",

"MEANNIIE!!!!!!!!!!!", Seth screamed. He pouted for a second before pleading "PLEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE?!?!?!?!!?",

"Fine", Alice said.

"YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!".

_Later at the concert_

"YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!", Emmett screamed. He just _had _to tag along. _Everyone _just had to tag along.

"HEEEYYY NIIICKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", Alice screamed.

"I LOVE YOU JOE!!!!!!", Bella yelled.

"I hate that Joe", Edward said. Bella punched him.

"KEVIN!!! MARRY ME!!!!", Rosalie yelled.

"I LOVE YOU NICK!!!!!", Jasper screamed with Alice.

"OMG!!! FRANKIE!!!", Nessie screamed. **(Hehe)**

"WOOOOO!!!!!", Carlisle screamed with Esme.

"JOE!!!!!!!!", Seth screamed, still drunk. "MARRY ME!!!! WE CAN RUN AWAY TOGETHER!!!!! NOBODY WILL CARE!!! SCREW CAMILLA, I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!",

Everyone stopped screaming to look at Seth.

On stage, Joe heard Seth's shouting.

"For this next song", Joe began. "I need someone from the audience", all the girls, and Seth and Emmett screamed. And Jasper. And Edward.

"Okay", Joe began. "What about....you", Joe pointed to Seth. Seth screeched.

"OMG! OMG! OMG! JOE JONAS IS GOING TO SING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!",

Seth got on stage, and sat in a chair, as directed. Joe began singing "When You Look Me In The Eyes", to Seth.

Everyone cheered.

Then Seth decided it was his time to shine. Bad idea.

"WHEN YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYES, I CATCH A GLIMPSE OF HEAVEN......", Seth sang.

Seth started taking off his clothes again. Then Big Rob had to dispose of him.

So Seth decided to run off somewhere.....but where?


	4. Waking Up In Aspen: Seth's Hangover

**Hehe, so there was Jacob getting drunk, Jacob's hangover, Seth getting drunk. See a pattern? So I'm guessing you know what's next! Well, that and the title lol. So ta da....Where did Seth go after last chapter? Find out now!**

Seth opened his eyes. Where was he? He saw snow. Lots of snow.

And skiers....?

Oh crap.

What had he done now?

"What the...?", Seth yelled when he realized he was naked. "Where am I?",

"Aspen", Carlisle answered. The Cullen's were surrounding him.

"Aspen!?!", Seth shouted.

"Yes. After you got drunk, you ran to Aspen for some reason. You went skiing naked, then crashed into that tree"- Edward pointed to a tree - "And you fell asleep here", Edward pointed to the ground.

"What did I say? Or do....?", Seth asked, remembering what happened to Jacob.

"Well, you called Leah "Lee Lee", your missing your pancakes, you think "Alicey" is a "pwitty vampy", you called Edward "Eddie", you called Emmett "Emmetty", you asked for pickles, but got peanut butter instead, you danced, and, er, stripped to Justin Timberlake, you found Alice at the mall, still naked, you ask everyone if they've seen "My Dog Skip", or maybe you asked them if they've seen your dog named Skip......Anyway, then you asked Alice to go to a Jonas Brother's concert and everyone tagged along, then at the concert, you asked Joe to marry you, then Joe sang to you, then you started stripping again, and got kicked off stage. Then ran here to Aspen", Carlisle explained.

"Oh crap", Seth said. "Hm......I wonder what Edward would be like drunk........?", Seth said to himself.

"No!", Edward shouted, while everyone laughed.

Then Seth made a quick stop at the liquor store, then managed to steal Edward's water bottle.....Oh wait. Vampires don't drink water......Hm......Well, Seth'll find another way to get Edward dru-

Genius.

Seth made a quick stop at the liquor store, then headed into the forest to find a certain mountain lion.......

**Hehe, like it? Please review, and give me your ideas. Tell me who you want to see drunk. I only go by reviews, by like who gets drunk. So, tell me who you want.....**

**Oh and I did it again. Did what, you ask? FORGOT TO POST THIS CHAPTER! I finished this chapter a while ago, and didn't post it. My apologies. I'm sorry. I have the next chapter done already so yeah lol, soorryy.**


	5. Who Spiked The Mountain Lion? Edward

**So, as requested, another chapter!!!! Who gets drunk this ti- oh wait. Damn, it gotta stop putting the person in the title!!! Or a hint in the last chapter....anyhoo, I present, Chapter 5!**

Edward stumbled through the door. "Hey, guyyyyyyaaaasss", he announced.

"Uh, Edward......", Bella asked.

"YEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHH",

"Are you alright?",

"Maaayyybbbeee",

"Oh boy",

"Seth!",

"Yes?",

"What did you do to Edward?",

"Nothing.........",

"What did you do to every mountain lion within a hundred mile radius?", Alice giggled.

"Well, I fed them so water from a certain water bottle......",

"Seth!",

"What?",

"HEEEYYYYYY SETHHYYY!!!!!!",

Everyone starts laughing.

Edward loudly gasps. "DID YOU ORGANIZE MY CHEESE!?!?!?!!?!?!!?", Edward screamed at Carlisle.

"What? No",

"NO WAIT YOU REAARANGED MY HAMBURGER!!!!!!!!!!!",

"Edward, no I didn't!",

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!", Edward yelled.

Jasper started laughing. "Omigosh Edward's drunk", he said after walking into the room and hearing Edward yell "that's what she said".

"Duz anyone happin ta have any nachoo cheese rings?",

"What's a nachoo cheese ring?", Jacob asked.

"SHUT UP JAKEYKINNS!!!",

"That was weird.",

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA", said, wait for it, _Emmett._ Emmett looks around room.

"Oh am I interrupting something?", he asked.

"Ya think",

"Omigosh is Edward drunk?", Emmett started laughing.

"Yes, yes he is",

"POP GOES DA WEEZZZEEEELLLLL!!!!!!!", Edward said.

"Edward?", Esme asked walking in the room.

"NO!!!! MY NAME IS NOT EDWARDD!!! IT'S CAPTAIN EDWEIRD!!!!!",

"Edward", Esme sighed.

"CAPTAIN EDWEIRD!!!!!",

"Edweird. What happened?",

"Seth", everyone said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..................OMG ITS CHUCK NORRISS!!!!! WHO WANTS AN AUTOGRAPH!!!!!!!!!!!!",

"Well....",

"I THINK I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM!",

"Edward , your a vampire. You can't go to the bathroom",

"TOO BAD!!!",

Everyone sighs.

"I HAVE A SECRET FOR YOU, CARLIZZLE!!!!!!!",

"What is it, Edward?",

"I'M SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH SAM ULEY!!!!!!!!",

"I think he heard you.....",

"SHUT UP!",

"Uh....",

"SO WHO WANTS TO GIVE GRANNY A SPONGE BATH!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?",

"Nobody, Edward",

"CAN WE SEE PAUL BLART: MALL COP IN THEATORS????",

"Uh, we could, I guess.....", Carlisle answered.

"YAY!!!!",

_Later at the theaters_

"OMG AAALICE!! IT'S YOU!!!!!", Edward points to Leon (aka the fat African American from the movie that Paul has the nacho eating contest with)

"That is not me, Edward!",

"HEEEEYYYY, ITS BELLAAA!!!",

"Omigosh Edward that's not me. That's Veck, imbecile",

"AMY'S PRETTTTTYYYY!!!!",

"Edward, that's not Amy. That's Jimmy the S.W.A.T guy",

"WELL HE'S PRETTY!",

"Aw, shut up!!! People are trying to watch the movie!", some guy complained,

"NO YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!!!",

"Wanna go, buddy?!?",

"YES IS DO!!!!",

Edward and that guy get into a fist fight. Edward accidentally gives him a concussion on the first swing. By the end Edward paralyzes the guy.

_At home_

"Well that didn't go to well...", Bella commented.

"Omigosh, Edward! Why am I getting lust from you when your standing next to Emmett!", Jasper said.

"Ew", Emmett said, and backed away.

"CUZ EMMETT'S PWITTY!!!!!",

"Ew, Edward's gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that.......", Bella said.

"IM GOING TO SWITZERLAND!!!!!!!!!!", Edward announced.

"Uh, good luck with that....", Emmett said as Edward ran off into the trees.

"Well.....this can't be good......",

"Hey has anyone seen Rose?", Alice asked.

"She went hunting....oh wait", Emmett realized.

Well....this certainly isn't good.....

**Like it? So where is Edward going to wake up? Hm.... Anyhoo, please review, and tell me who you want to see drunk. I go by requests so if I have no requests, I don't write. So please, tell me! And don't just think, well one person won't make a difference, cuz it does. Everyone thinks that and I get no reviews!!!!!!! (*runs away crying in a corner in the fetal position rocking back in forth whispering "next time, next time, next time" over and over*) Oh look what you've done to me!!! (lol imao, I don't get enough reviews!)**


	6. Who Spiked The Mountain Lion? Rosalie

**Sorry, its so delayed. I've been super busy!!! So sorry!!!!!! Okay, so I know it should be Edward's hangover, but I have something planned, so it will be next chapter.**

So while Edward was running to "Switzerland", Rosalie made a hunting trip that didn't work out too well.....

"HEY PEOPLES!!!", Rosalie shouted in a nasally valley-girl accent. A lot like Lauren.

"Uh oh...", Seth muttered.

"SO! Howsz itd goin? Anywuuuun have any pilsbery piesssss?",

"Rose....Where have you been?", Emmett asked.

"HUNTING! NO! Actually, I wass in kareelioo town!",

"Wha?", Jasper asked. "Oh wait", he realized.

"Rose. Did you by any chance drink the blood from any mountain lions within a ten mile radius?", Carlisle asked.

"No......I ATE CATERPILLARS!",

"Omicarlisle! Rosalie is drunk!", Alice started laughing.

"WheRe's Eddie!!! He said he'lllll take me too DISNEYWORLD!!!", Rosalie exclaimed.

"I think Edward's still running around drunk", Bella asnwered.

"Hazen seeen Sammy wammy?", Rose asked. Everyone paused.

"Uley?", Emmett asked.

"YEAH! He's da seXIEST! Werewolfy in da WORLD!", Rosalie exagerated. No one was sure what to say. Emmett was most likely mad at Sam. Jasper was annoyed at the lust waves Rosalie was giving off. Bella and Alice were laughing hystarically. Carlisle and Esme just stared at him. Nessie was confused. And Edward was still running around drunk in the woods.

"Hold-on-Alice-we've-got-to-call-Sam!!", Bella said in between laughs.

"Good-idea-Bells", Alice said. Alice grabbed the phone while Rosalie looked around for Sam around the meadow.

"Sam!- Come-down-here-now!", Bella said into the phone.

"W-why?", he asked.

"JUST DO IT, SAMMY!", Rosalie yelled at the phone.

"Uh...I suppose....", Sam said.

"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!". Rosalie shouted. Emmett crossed his arms, not that happy about his wife's new love interest.

"SO!!! Hassss anywuns seens Carlisle's ADULT MAGAZINE collectionsss????", Rose asked.

"What?", Carlisle said confused.

"You look at INOPRPORIOTE magazines????", Esme asked, flabbergasted.

"What? No! Rose, those are medical magazines, not adult magazines!! Well, I guess you don't see too many children reading Medical Monthly.... **(Made up magazine!!!)**

"NUH UH!! Why would Jazzzzzerz be reading them, then?", Rose asked.

"What?", Jasper asked.

"Jasper!", Alice said, appauled.

"What? No. I don't look at Carlisle's porn stash!". Jasper confirmed.

"Carlisle has a porn stash?", Sam Uley asked, finally here and for some reason almost forgot to come because ForeverTwilight forgot about him!

Esme looked at Carlisle with an evil stare. "What? No! I don't have a porn stash! Emmett hides _his _porn stash in my office!",

Everyone gasped.

"So it's _your _porn stash!!", Bella gasped.

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNN....EmMeRz ur in trouble with yo wife!!!!", Rosalie said.

"Rosalie, _your _his wife!", Alice said.

"Oh. Right. EMMMETTTT MCCARTY Cullen!!! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TRUBBBELLL!!! Because uv dat, I shall sleep with SAM ULEY!!!",

"What?", Emmett and Sam said at the same time.

"I'm not sleeping with you, Rosalie!", Sam said at the same time as Emmett said.

"Your not sleeping with him, Rosalie!",

"And WHY not! I'll do the same thing Royce and his bff's did to MEEEE!!!", Rosalie yelled.

"Uh oh....Should I be running for my virginity?", Sam asked.

"Your a virgin?", Bella asked.

"A MARRIEd virgin?",Alice giggled.

"Wha, no.....", Sam faked. Everyone started laughing.

"You idiot", Jasper said the same way ForeverTwilight and her brother, and her brother's friends say it aka the coolest way possible.

"GROOVY!" Rosalie shouted in the same way Bruce Campell as Ash from Evil Dead 2 said it after he puts the chainsaw on his wrist cuz he cut off his hand.

Rosalie looked at Sam in this creepy seductive way.

"Uh oh....". Sam starts running. Rosalie ran after him.

"SAMMY!!!!!! WE HAVE TO HAVE.....", Rosalie's voice faded into the distance.

**What happens when Rosalie attempts to do inapropriote things with virgin-Sam? Find out next time on Who Spiked The Mountain Lion? Two Times The Hangover!**


	7. Waking Up In Bed: Two Times The Hangover

**So here is the next chapter! Two times the hangover!**

So after Rosalie ran off to do what Royce and his friends did to her to Sam, and Edward ran off to Switzerland, they somehow meet in the middle.....

Rosalie and Edward woke up in the morning. Wait, did I just say they _woke up_? Their vampires! They can't sleep....Okay, well when the vodka wears off from Edward and Rosalie, at the same time because it'd be too complicated to say different times, and the story would change, anyhoo. They find they ran into eachother half way.

Rosalie pretended to sleep to make it easier, void what I just said , and so did Edward.

Rosalie all of a sudden realized she was naked, and realized it must have been a dream of what happened yesterday, that she remember, but then she realized vampires can't sleep. Edward did the same. Rosalie rolled over to see Edward naked beside her instead of Emmett. Edward realized Rosalie was beside him at the same time.

"AHHHHHHHHHH", they both screamed.

Everyone came in at that exact moment.

"Oh God! Please tell me we didnt-", Alice cut Edward off.

"Yep! You guy's met in the middle and slept together!", Alice said matter-of-factly.

Edward, Rosalie, Emmett and Bella screamed again.

"Please tell us exactly what we did...", Edward begged.

"Well, Edward, you called Seth, "Sethy", Carlisle "organized your cheese", oh and he rearanged your hamburger, You want nacho cheese rings, You called Jacob "Jakeykins", "Pop goes da weasel",. Your name is Captain Edweird, You saw Chuck Norris, you thought you were going to the bathroom, you secretly in love with Sam Uley, you wanted to give granny a sponge bath, you wanted to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop in theaters, we saw it in theaters, you mistook Leon for Alice, you thought Veck was Bella, you thought Jimmy the SWAT guy was Amy, and he was pretty, and you paralyzed a man that challenged you to a fight, you think Emmet's "pwitty", and you went to Switzerland!", Esme said.

"Crap....", Edward muttered.

"What about me?", Rose asked.

"Well, Rose, you want pilsbery pies, you went to Kareelioo town, you ate caterpillars, Edward has to take you to Disneyworld, you want Sammy-wammy, Sam is the sexiest werewolfy you've ever met, Alice and Bella called Sam down, Carlisle has an adult magazine stash, No wait, it was Jasper's. Not Emmett's, you went to sleep with Sam, but he said no, so you went to rape him...,and yeah", Esme said.

"What's with everyone being in love with me?", Sam asked.

"Cuz your sexy", Emmett answered. Everyone stared at him. Uh oh....

So, who's next?

**So who _is _next? You decide! Wow, that sounds cheesy....**


	8. Who Spiked The Grizzly Bear? E&C

**Sorry sorry sorry it's been SO long since I've updated. I've been busy, I went on vacation, and schools started so I'll be writing less. Anyhoo, you don't care, so lets get on with the story. I now present you with my first-ever double drunk-ness story! Carlisle and Esme! **

_**Two days after last chapter, and two hours earlier:**_

"Do you think the alcohol will be out of the mountain lion's systems yet?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't think so, I saw one pass out yesterday." Emmett said.

"I see....." Carlisle thought. "We'll just hunt grizzlies or elk, then." Carlisle finished, as Esme walked into the room.

"You're going hunting? I'll go with you." she said.

"Okay. Let's go." Carlisle said, as him and Esme walked out the door, as Seth and Jacob entered.

"Muahahahahahahaha!!!!" Seth cackled.

"What now?" Bella sighed.

"Oh nothing....." Jacob said.

"What did you do this time, Jacob?" Bella asked.

"Well.....we loved to watch mountain lions pass out, so we we're wondering what it'd be like for a grizzly bear or elk to pass out...." Seth gave in.

"Are you saying you gave vodka to grizzly bears and elk?" Alice asked.

"Every single one in a hundred mile radius!" Jacob said excitedly.

"Oh crap." Rosalie said.

"This is gonna be great! Lemme get my camera!" Emmett exclaimed.

_**Present**_

"Woo!!!" Esme and Carlisle cheered together as they walked into the room, after hunting, with each other's arms around each other's shoulders.

Everyone froze.

"Wuzzup ma homies??????" Esme said.

"Yo sup dawg!" Carlisle said, as Esme howled like a dog.

"Uh....so how's it goin'?" Jacob asked.

"Oh nussing, just hangin' with my bitch!" Carlisle said, looking over at Esme.

"And I'm justa hangin' with ma pimp!" Esme said.

"Oh gosh, Esme and Carlisle have gone street on us..."Jasper said.

"Oh dear God." Edward said.

"Yo, bitch, don't me mezzin with my beef, dawg!" Carlisle said,

"Oh gosh!" Bella said.

"Ew." Rosalie said.

"I ain't doin' no mezzin wit yo beef, dawg!" Emmett replied.

"Shuzzup, you filly hoe!" Carlisle said.

"Yeah, bee-otch, you know nu-ing about C-Dog's beef, you filly shizz!" Esme replied.

"Yo shu-up, Esme-mé, you filly hoe, shuzup!" Carlisle said to Esme.

"Oh no you di-in't!" Esme said.

"Don't talk back, bitch!" Carlisle said.

"Oh, you got no atherty ova me, C-Dawg!" Esme spazzed.

"Oh yes I do, Ezz-whore!" Carlisle said. Esme gasped.

"Omigosh, a pwitty puppy!" Esme said, distracted, as she saw Seth. She ran up to him, and gave him a hug.

"You go run 'way with that man-pimp, Ezz?!?"

"Psh, I will not take dat tone witchoo, Car-shrpizzle" Esme said.

"Ohhhhhh." Carlisle said, in a high pitched voice.

"Can...you stop....hugging...me." Seth said, seeing as Esme hadn't let Seth go.

"Psh, naw, da'ling! We's gonna run 'way wit 'chother, puppo!"

"Don't all be puppo...." Seth said whilst Jacob and Leah almost died of laughter. Esme grabbed Seth's hand, and pulled him to the forest, and started running.

"Oh no, that whore-pup stole ma Ez-shrmplizzalizzle!"

"Say wha?" Emmett said.

"I's gots too go's gets hers backs!" Carlisle, ahem, Carlizzle, said. "Lez, go, dog-chick." he said to Leah.

"Wait, what? I'm not going with you!" Leah said.

"Toos bad, he's yo bro, yous gotts to help me find that hoe and Ezzy."

"Go, Leah!" Jacob encouraged. Without another word, Carlisle grabbed Leah and chased Esme through the forest.

After a gruesome tomato fight, Carlizzle got Ezzy-V back, and Seth and Leah had to be sent to a mental hospital after staying in the general hospital for six weeks. Well, six hours for them.

**So, I'm SO SORRY for the nutty delay, but I updated at east :) So tell me who you want next, I'll mark it down, and see who's next :) Also, the hangover of Esme and Carlisle will be soon :)**


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